Saturday, July 5, 2008

TwisTEd

hey, it's batsheba over here.

i feel guilty cos this is the very first time that i don't like the character that i'm playing. Betty. (i mean, you are supposed to find ways you can fall in love with your character no matter how much you don't like it as an actor). You might dislike her/him/it/particular scenes of the play/whatever but you gotta find at least one thing about the play/writing/ character/etc that you do like to motivate you to give the best shot for the show.

in fact, i dont find any desirable characters that i can play here cos i dont even like the play that im doing. Yes, you have read right. I dont even like All in the Timing to begin with. I don't mean to lament..it's just i'm asserting my feelings as they are. as an actor. But rest assured, these shorts by David Ives are gargantuanly popular to people (have been performed by many people around the world for a couplaf decades) and I can understand why, (though I don't find it popular to me.) All of my classmates are practically in love with it except for me. But i understand that the world does not revolve around me so i hve agreed to be a part of All in the Timing.

I have struggled 7 paining weeks on Sure Thing, trying to find beauty in it. Do i find beauty? Yes. Do i find David Ives insightful? Yes. But all I can do is to respect IT but i can only love it only insofar. It's just terribly hard and i do feel guilty....dahlah i havent really done my homework for Betty and Sure Thing completely..im ashamed of myself..is this like the mark of me getting lazy with acting? taking acting for granted? not doing my invaluable intentions exercise..not refining Betty enough or creating the chemistry that is supposed to be created with Bill. im ashamed of myself..i dont wanna give up being diligent in acting or at least trying my best within the circumstances that i'm facing, fighting my disorganized-ness, ADD and even potential Bipolar cos i love Acting so much...

i dont wanna get lazy cos i have gotten lazy for a lot of the ths that i initially so loved in my life. i feel like im beginning to disrespect acting. thinking its easy..or maybe it can be too complicated so i'll just handle it half-heartedly..u know wut i mean? Which what i'm doing for Sure Thing. I mean, the audience wouldn't know the difference anyway , right? Or maybe the audience are getting more and more clever and acute these days?

And i do feel sinful cos i'm supposed to teach myself of the ways of the world through acting. Acting is a wonderful, benevolent teacher. Sometimes, i think it teaches the actors even more than the audience. Like how David Ives is trying to tell me something.

All i know is i have to..do the rest of the undone homework (maybe there's a bit of time left) and try to do justice with the character. As much as i can. Try to delegate my publicity work cos frankly, im handling too much alone at the moment.(anyone wants to help out? ;) and pray very hard! and dont stop talking to my Actor fairygodmother. Perhaps. Oh, yeah, forgive myself and cut off some slack!

Wanna see how i handle Betty? Watch the show. The rest of my friends and i have busted our asses to make this show work.

the naked truth,
batsheba.

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